Mercedes, Not US, To Bail Out Chrysler

In a huge surprise, Chrysler has decided to decline US government help and
instead accept help from Mercedes, which still owns 20% of Chrysler. Under
the plan, Chrysler will introduce competitive platforms starting in June
2009, with a total of three new platforms available by December 2009.

The V6 versions of the Chrysler 300 and Dodge Charger will be replaced by
front drive models with better fuel mileage and more interior room. The
Hemi powered rear drive 300 and Charger will be retained to fill their
proper role as specialty models built mostly for status rather than for
wide market appeal.

In the midsize segment, the current Mitsubishi sourced Sebring and Avenger,
awkwardly styled in the theme of a brick set on edge, will be replaced by
lower, sleeker, and more aerodynamic models. In the compact segement, the
PT Cruiser will be retained since it has proven appeal as a styling
curiousity. The Dodge Caliber, also curiously styled but without a retro
look to work in its favor, will be replaced by a conventionally styled
small car which will have wider appeal.

Mercedes announcement that these changes can be accomplished in a six to
twelve month time period and at a cost of a mere $1.6 billion initially
baffled industry observers. "I wondered how Chrysler could produce three
new lines of roomy and economical front drive cars - cars that are right
for America - so quickly and for so little money" said Joseph Camel of the
Brand Research Institute.

But then came the surprising answer. The solution to fixing Chrysler's
current unsaleable car lineup is merely to replace the current cars with
the cars they replaced: 2004 Concorde/Intrepid, the 2007 Sebring/Stratus,
and the 2002 Neon.

"This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20% stake
in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"

Comments4u wrote:

Oh this should be good. C4U has been unusually quiet lately...
<snip>
> Mercedes announcement that these changes can be accomplished in a six to
> twelve month time period and at a cost of a mere $1.6 billion initially
> baffled industry observers. "I wondered how Chrysler could produce three
> new lines of roomy and economical front drive cars - cars that are right
> for America - so quickly and for so little money" said Joseph Camel of the
> Brand Research Institute.
>
> But then came the surprising answer. The solution to fixing Chrysler's
> current unsaleable car lineup is merely to replace the current cars with
> the cars they replaced: 2004 Concorde/Intrepid, the 2007 Sebring/Stratus,
> and the 2002 Neon.

OR to put a finer point on it, to revert to the lineup BEFORE F***ING
DAIMLER SCREWED UP CHRYSLER THE FIRST TIME!! The car-knowledgeable who
read this will realize that the vehicles he mentioned are ALL
pre-Daimler designs.

I don't care who you are, that there's funny.

On Mon, 1 Dec 2008 12:39:35 -0500, Comments4u
> wrote:

>In a huge surprise, Chrysler has decided to decline US government help and
>instead accept help from Mercedes, which still owns 20% of Chrysler. Under
>the plan, Chrysler will introduce competitive platforms starting in June
>2009, with a total of three new platforms available by December 2009.
>
>The V6 versions of the Chrysler 300 and Dodge Charger will be replaced by
>front drive models with better fuel mileage and more interior room. The
>Hemi powered rear drive 300 and Charger will be retained to fill their
>proper role as specialty models built mostly for status rather than for
>wide market appeal.
>
>In the midsize segment, the current Mitsubishi sourced Sebring and Avenger,
>awkwardly styled in the theme of a brick set on edge, will be replaced by
>lower, sleeker, and more aerodynamic models. In the compact segement, the
>PT Cruiser will be retained since it has proven appeal as a styling
>curiousity. The Dodge Caliber, also curiously styled but without a retro
>look to work in its favor, will be replaced by a conventionally styled
>small car which will have wider appeal.
>
>Mercedes announcement that these changes can be accomplished in a six to
>twelve month time period and at a cost of a mere $1.6 billion initially
>baffled industry observers. "I wondered how Chrysler could produce three
>new lines of roomy and economical front drive cars - cars that are right
>for America - so quickly and for so little money" said Joseph Camel of the
>Brand Research Institute.
>
>But then came the surprising answer. The solution to fixing Chrysler's
>current unsaleable car lineup is merely to replace the current cars with
>the cars they replaced: 2004 Concorde/Intrepid, the 2007 Sebring/Stratus,
>and the 2002 Neon.
>
>"This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
>Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20% stake
>in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"

You should be ashamed of yourself... Now I have to clean *another*
keyboard. I'm going to get a water/coffee proof keyboard, this is
getting to be too much trouble!

In article >,
Comments4u > wrote:
>Mercedes announcement that these changes can be accomplished in a six to
>twelve month time period and at a cost of a mere $1.6 billion initially
>baffled industry observers. "I wondered how Chrysler could produce three
>new lines of roomy and economical front drive cars - cars that are right
>for America - so quickly and for so little money" said Joseph Camel of the
>Brand Research Institute.

"Joe Camel", eh?

--
It's times like these which make me glad my bank is Dial-a-Mattress

Don't understand the maths

"...we expect the value of our 20% stake in Chrysler will eventually rise to
zero!"

FALL to zero maybe?

DAS

To send an e-mail directly replace "spam" with "schmetterling"
---
"Comments4u" > wrote in message
...
[...]

> "This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
> Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20%
> stake
> in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"

(Dori - it's satire)

--
Bill Putney
(To reply by e-mail, replace the last letter of the alphabet in my
address with the letter 'x')

Dori A Schmetterling wrote:
> Don't understand the maths
>
> "...we expect the value of our 20% stake in Chrysler will eventually rise to
> zero!"
>
> FALL to zero maybe?
>
> DAS
>
> To send an e-mail directly replace "spam" with "schmetterling"
> ---
> "Comments4u" > wrote in message
> ...
> [...]
>
>> "This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
>> Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20%
>> stake
>> in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"

The is funny and makes some sense, but is it really a time to poke more
fun at Chrysler robber Mercedes?

In article >,
Comments4u > wrote:

> In a huge surprise, Chrysler has decided to decline US government help and
> instead accept help from Mercedes, which still owns 20% of Chrysler. Under
> the plan, Chrysler will introduce competitive platforms starting in June
> 2009, with a total of three new platforms available by December 2009.
>
> The V6 versions of the Chrysler 300 and Dodge Charger will be replaced by
> front drive models with better fuel mileage and more interior room. The
> Hemi powered rear drive 300 and Charger will be retained to fill their
> proper role as specialty models built mostly for status rather than for
> wide market appeal.
This is quite smart, but sorry Chrysler the 300M I recently purchased
for a few songs should last me for 8+ years.
Of course keep the RWD 300C for the police who like dangerous chases.
>
> In the midsize segment, the current Mitsubishi sourced Sebring and Avenger,
> awkwardly styled in the theme of a brick set on edge, will be replaced by
> lower, sleeker, and more aerodynamic models. In the compact segement, the
> PT Cruiser will be retained since it has proven appeal as a styling
> curiousity.
I guess if it sells, why not. IMO it's styling is worse than the Caliper.

>The Dodge Caliber, also curiously styled but without a retro
> look to work in its favor, will be replaced by a conventionally styled
> small car which will have wider appeal.
Too bad his will come too late for me.
Actually the Compass would be easier to change for my liking, simply
replace the Jeep front end. Chrysler doesn't need two Jeep front end
cars in this class.
My dealer told me they just don't know how to sell the split personalty
Compass. (true story!)
>
> Mercedes announcement that these changes can be accomplished in a six to
> twelve month time period and at a cost of a mere $1.6 billion initially
> baffled industry observers. "I wondered how Chrysler could produce three
> new lines of roomy and economical front drive cars - cars that are right
> for America - so quickly and for so little money" said Joseph Camel of the
> Brand Research Institute.
The changes would be relatively minor, if they haven't sold the tooling
to Russia and China.
>
> But then came the surprising answer. The solution to fixing Chrysler's
> current unsaleable car lineup is merely to replace the current cars with
> the cars they replaced: 2004 Concorde/Intrepid, the 2007 Sebring/Stratus,
> and the 2002 Neon.
Nope, a slight revision of the mid 90s LH and the 91+ Sebring, with the
current drive trains (less the 2.7L V6) would have done it.
Too late for me again Chrysler.
>
> "This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
> Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20% stake
> in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"
It might even rise a bit above zero, but Mercedes just doesn't know how
to make a longer term hit with Chrysler. They don't understand NA.

,,,,,, yes, but the math is probably stil correct.... rise to zero :-)

cheers guenter

In article >,
Bill Putney > wrote:
>(Dori - it's satire)
>
>--
>Bill Putney
>(To reply by e-mail, replace the last letter of the alphabet in my
>address with the letter 'x')
>
>Dori A Schmetterling wrote:
>> Don't understand the maths
>>
>> "...we expect the value of our 20% stake in Chrysler will eventually rise to
>> zero!"
>>
>> FALL to zero maybe?
>>
>> DAS
>>
>> To send an e-mail directly replace "spam" with "schmetterling"
>> ---
>> "Comments4u" > wrote in message
>> ...
>> [...]
>>
>>> "This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
>>> Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20%
>>> stake
>>> in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"

**DO NOT TOPPOST!**

On Tue, 2 Dec 2008 00:05:32 -0000, "Dori A Schmetterling"
> wrote:


>"Comments4u" > wrote in message
.. .
>[...]
>
>> "This is an investment in the future" said Mercedes spokesman Heinreich
>> Tungensheek. "By spending this money, we expect the value of our 20%
>> stake
>> in Chrysler will eventually rise to zero!"
>
>Don't understand the maths
>
>"...we expect the value of our 20% stake in Chrysler will eventually rise to
>zero!"
>
>FALL to zero maybe?
>
>DAS
>

*WOOSH*

Missed that one completely, didn't you!

On Dec 1, 2:05*pm, Steve > wrote:
> Comments4u wrote:
>
> Oh this should be good. C4U has been unusually quiet lately...
> <snip>
>
> > Mercedes announcement that these changes can be accomplished in a six to
> > twelve month time period and at a cost of a mere $1.6 billion initially
> > baffled industry observers. *"I wondered how Chrysler could produce three
> > new lines of roomy and economical front drive cars - cars that are right
> > for America - so quickly and for so little money" said Joseph Camel of the
> > Brand Research Institute.
>
> > But then came the surprising answer. *The solution to fixing Chrysler's
> > current unsaleable car lineup is merely to replace the current cars with
> > the cars they replaced: 2004 Concorde/Intrepid, the 2007 Sebring/Stratus,
> > and the 2002 Neon.
>
> OR to put a finer point on it, to revert to the lineup BEFORE F***ING
> DAIMLER SCREWED UP CHRYSLER THE FIRST TIME!! The car-knowledgeable who
> read this *will realize that the vehicles he mentioned are ALL
> pre-Daimler designs.
>
> I don't care who you are, that there's funny.

Interestingly, it was the Chrysler people who talked the Daimler
people out of buying into Nissan (and let Renault snap it up
instead). The Chrysler people said, Hey, we've worked with Mitsubishi
in the past, they're good, buy into them instead.

So instead of Nissan platforms, we get Mitsubishi platforms for fwd
Chryslers. Daimler bought into Mitsubishi, and found they were
covering up warranty problems (Mitsu gave Daimler MitsubishiFuso
trucks in compensation, which they still own). Can't blame the
Daimler folks for having it in for the Chrysler people after that~