Solution to noisy vehicles
 

Tired of noisy Harleys, rice burners, fart cans and stereos?

Make them pay for the privilege to pollute, just like corporations do.

Tax $500 per DB per year over stock values.

On Sun, 6 Mar 2005, John Harlow wrote:

> Tired of noisy Harleys, rice burners, fart cans and stereos? Make them
> pay for the privilege to pollute, just like corporations do. Tax $500
> per DB per year over stock values.

As long as we're in dreamy-dream land, here's my variant of your fantasy:
The Muffler Gun. This device would, with just a simple pull of the
trigger, accurately shoot a functional muffler into position on any
intentionally-loudened car, truck or motorcycle. I'm thinking handheld
versions as well as broad-spectrum automatic ones fitted to traffic light
standards at the FOOT of hills. New, from the good people at
www.tvbgone.com .

Also from TV-B-Gone: The new Boompa-B-Gone, which does permanent and
expensive damage to offensively loud car stereo equipment with just the
touch of a button.

I'm tempted to just quit fooling around and ask for what I really want,
which is an Idjit-B-Gone, but proliferation of such a device could easily
reverse the polarity of the population crisis, turning the human race into
an endangered species. So I suppose a compromise device would be an
"Idjit-B-Smart", which would magically repair whatever kind of idjit one
might happen to encounter.

DS

What exactly would the "Idjit-B-Gone" do? Would it make them
disappear? Would they become less of an idjit? How exactly would this
work? I like the idea.

"Daniel J. Stern" > wrote in message
n.umich.edu...
> On Sun, 6 Mar 2005, John Harlow wrote:
>
>> Tired of noisy Harleys, rice burners, fart cans and stereos? Make them
>> pay for the privilege to pollute, just like corporations do. Tax $500
>> per DB per year over stock values.
>
> As long as we're in dreamy-dream land, here's my variant of your fantasy:
> The Muffler Gun. This device would, with just a simple pull of the
> trigger, accurately shoot a functional muffler into position on any
> intentionally-loudened car, truck or motorcycle. I'm thinking handheld
> versions as well as broad-spectrum automatic ones fitted to traffic light
> standards at the FOOT of hills. New, from the good people at
> www.tvbgone.com .


Would a potato cannon suffice? Just aim and shoot to plug up the exhaust.
There, no noise.

Daniel J. Stern wrote:
> On Sun, 6 Mar 2005, John Harlow wrote:
>
> > Tired of noisy Harleys, rice burners, fart cans and stereos? Make
them
> > pay for the privilege to pollute, just like corporations do. Tax
$500
> > per DB per year over stock values.
>
> As long as we're in dreamy-dream land, here's my variant of your
fantasy:
> The Muffler Gun. This device would, with just a simple pull of the
> trigger, accurately shoot a functional muffler into position on any
> intentionally-loudened car, truck or motorcycle. I'm thinking
handheld
> versions as well as broad-spectrum automatic ones fitted to traffic
light
> standards at the FOOT of hills. New, from the good people at
> www.tvbgone.com .
>

Eh, personally, I don't find a nice, low rumble as from a car with
Flowmasters etc. to be objectionable. Even glasspacks aren't bad with
a crossover pipe. But maybe that's just me.

What I don't understand is why the "ricer" crowd seems to deliberately
install exhaust systems that seem to be designed not only to produce
incredibly LOUD sound, but with incredibly ****ty sound quality as
well. Once upon a time, I used to as a matter of course install sport
exhausts on all my old VWs - mostly because the cost was less than
stock replacement, but also because they sounded pretty damn good. A
typical exhaust used a "bullet" glasspack in place of the stock
resonator, and then a "turbo" type muffler at the rear of the car.
Piping was slightly larger than stock and mandrel bent. Made a nice,
deep, mellow tone without being buzzy, causing unwanted resonances, or
being *so* loud that neighbors would complain if you left for work at a
reasonable hour. My mom is actually running one of these systems on
her Golf at my recommendation (the stock system finally rusted through
after almost 20 years of exposure to PA road salt etc.)

Compare and contrast with my friend's Integra - pipe is actually
*smaller* than that used on my old VWs but the muffler is a typical
"fart can" - basically just a perforated metal tube with no packing
around it at all, and no resonator. IMHO, it sounds like garbage - the
kind of sound you'd expect from something with a broken exhaust, not a
sound that one would pay hard-earned cash for. I'm honestly not sure
if anyone makes a GOOD sport exhaust for Japanese imports, but I
honestly can't recall seeing one that wasn't either stock or else had
some POS, buzzy, resonating thing hung under it.

It doesn't help that the 4" chrome tips look freaking stupid as well.

> Also from TV-B-Gone: The new Boompa-B-Gone, which does permanent and
> expensive damage to offensively loud car stereo equipment with just
the
> touch of a button.

Would be nice! Especially the ones that are playing "music" with
constant references to "niggaz," "bitches" etc.

>
> I'm tempted to just quit fooling around and ask for what I really
want,
> which is an Idjit-B-Gone, but proliferation of such a device could
easily
> reverse the polarity of the population crisis, turning the human race
into
> an endangered species. So I suppose a compromise device would be an
> "Idjit-B-Smart", which would magically repair whatever kind of idjit
one
> might happen to encounter.
>
> DS

Personally I think there's too many damn people on the planet, so I'd
vote for plan "A" :)

nate

John Harlow wrote:
> Tired of noisy Harleys, rice burners, fart cans and stereos?
>
> Make them pay for the privilege to pollute, just like corporations
do.
>
> Tax $500 per DB per year over stock values.

Why over stock values? How about an objective measure of dBs at a
particular distance...

Of course, I'd rather have cops catching murderers and rapists than
having another avenue to fill their quotas.

> Of course, I'd rather have cops catching murderers and rapists than
> having another avenue to fill their quotas.

A more peaceful environment would probably help reduce the murder rate! ;^)

On Mon, 7 Mar 2005, N8N wrote:

> Eh, personally, I don't find a nice, low rumble as from a car with
> Flowmasters etc. to be objectionable.

Yeah, but you're talking about actual, real cars with actual, real
engines. Not the same as the 4-cylinder and V6 buzzboxes.

> What I don't understand is why the "ricer" crowd seems to deliberately
> install exhaust systems that seem to be designed not only to produce
> incredibly LOUD sound, but with incredibly ****ty sound quality as
> well.

Because they think it's 3733T d00d JDM. I was having some repair work done
on my truck's exhaust system and my wandering eyes came across a typed-up
service request left by the young owner of a dead stock, clapped out Honda
Civic with "new owner" temporary licence plates. His little essay
instructed the shop to install a complete 3-1/2" exhaust pipe and
straight-through muffler system from the catalyst back, and such helpful
directives as "Use 'mandrel-bend' elbows. I want the minimum 'back
pressure' possible to get best performance." The shop owner saw me reading
it and looking at the Civic, laughed and said "I'm happy to indulge these
dumb kids. They never seem to learn that this crap slows them down and
gets them tickets, but their next step after the exhaust is to cut their
coil springs, and as long as they want to keep scraping 30 pounds of
expensive stainless steel off their car on a speed bump or pothole, I want
to keep collecting money to install another 30 pounds of expensive
stainless steel on their car."

DS

On Mon, 7 Mar 2005, The Office Jet wrote:

> What exactly would the "Idjit-B-Gone" do? Would it make them disappear?

Yes.

> How exactly would this work?

By rerouting auxiliary power via the ODN conduits to the secondary EPS
relays.

John Harlow wrote:
>
> > Of course, I'd rather have cops catching murderers and rapists than
> > having another avenue to fill their quotas.
>
> A more peaceful environment would probably help reduce the murder rate! ;^)

Naaah, we'd just have to find another excuse.

--
Cheers,
Bev
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Little Mary took her skis upon the snow to frisk.
Wasn't she a silly girl her little * ?